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A performer will yell at you.
I remember one of the first times this happened. I was new at running
monitors and was attempting to amplify this performer’s whisper
vocals. The performer kept asking for more voice and more voice.
I had no luck since I could only get out what was going in and he
proceeded to yell and demoralize me after throwing his guitar towards
my head. The times this has happened in the last ten years come
rare and the compliments far outweigh the angry performers.
You will forget to power something up, plug something in, or
turn a channel on.
Many days go by hour after hour gig after gig, things tend to become
monotonous. Alternatively, the easiest parts of your gig become
the most difficult sometimes. Some examples of this are, swapping
the monitor snake into the FOH hole in the stage box, running power
to the SR house amps and not turning them on, patching twelve Mic
cables into a sub box and not twisting the other end into the stage
box, not turning the insert button on and not replacing the batteries
on the wireless during the intermission.
Someone will tell you how to do your job.
This is not always the most offensive thing to happen in one day.
Although the term ‘creative director’ can mean many things, it does
not say sound engineer. I believe if approached properly I will
do most anything someone asks me. Some creative directors that believe
that the piano should be turned up "right now" or the
sound system is not loud enough. Anyone with comments should learn
the phrases, please, could you possibly, is there anyway, may I
suggest and I was wondering if you could
You will be asked to move or lift band gear
If it is not the band rental company guy, it is a musician ‘just
asking for a quick hand’ to help with his or her 600 lb. keyboard
case. I always try to reply with a nice re-direction of these skills
to the stagehands that have been hired to provide this service.
Other times Imention that the equipment is not mine and I would
rather not be responsible for possible damage. Otherwise, I lift
enough sound equipment and do not need the exercise.
The security or the parking lot attendant will give you a hard
time.
I know every year for the last nine years I have been given a hard
time, by parking directors, at one particular seventeen-day event.
Sometimes the promoter or venue manager does not give me a permit
to park behind the festival site stage or convention center. I have
had my car towed about four times in the last 14 years at events
and believe these people have no control of their lives except when
telling me where I can and can not park.
Someone will tell you sound sound-gear product "X""
is better.
Event attendee ‘A’ always manages to find the mix position and
proceed to ramble on about how his Z99-Ptank sounds so much better
than the gear at the event or venue. Their favorite thing to do
is point out how their buddy had one of those and it was never working
right or that he or she was the first one in the country to use
the Z99.
Someone in the audience will yell "Freebird"
Is this still funny? Do these people drive Firebird's and have
mullet haircuts? Do they go buy extra lighters before the concert
to have enough butane to get through the encore? Has this person
drunk too many cheep beers before the show? If everyone in the entire
venue were drunk, it might still be cool to yell this out at any
show.
You will hear the same CD played repeatedly at sound-check.
After the tones of white noise, pink noise or another analyzer
tones the ever so popular Steely Dan discs begin to fly. I understand
that the Steely Dan discs are recorded well (thanks Roger) but come
on, can we move on to something after 1990? Sting seems to work
well, so does K.D. Lang, Lyle Lovett, GRP recordings, Robert Cray,
and any Shawn Colvin.
"Jimmy" will come and tell you his brother plays guitar
in a band.
This is a classic moment in the world of live sound. "Jimmy"
proceeds to ramble on about how his brother is the greatest living
guitar player since Chuck Berry and his band plays great versions
of, Back in Black and early Ozzy. He then begins bragging that he
knows how to run sound and is asking to run the mixer. Shortly thereafter,
he is almost spilling a drink on the mixer, has gathered his friends
in your space, and is talking so loud your mix can not be heard.
The Stage plot/layout you were sent is wrong.
This rates up there as one of my biggest pet peeves in this industry.
There seems to be so many people involved in making an event occur
that none of them are working from similar ground zero points. Why
is it the sound company receives stage plots or input lists that
are sometimes five years old? On the other hand, one of my favorites
is additions and subtractions on a plot that by the time modifications
have been made; an entirely new plot could have been made.
The promoter will short you on ‘stage’ hands.
The term stage hands refers to anyone hired by the promoter or
venue coordinator that is supposed to assist in unloading, set up,
tear down and load out. These people are sometimes church volunteers,
"friends" of the promoter, hired help, or truly stagehands
from a local or national union. Some of the excuses heard over the
years could grow a few noses. "They’ll be here soon",
"didn’t you make the call (pointing at an assistant)",
"are you sure you need sixteen people", "oh, they
just went to scoop some horse poop and will be right back",
"darn, I must have told those guys to be here tomorrow instead
of today", are just a few of the excuses heard over the last
fourteen years. Just a few weeks ago, a promoter shorted a company,
I know, on help and managed to talk his girlfriend and mother (in
heels and a dress!) into helping push gear and load the truck.
You will meet, talk with, and get to know interesting people.
This happens to be my motivator everyday. I love the fact that
I interact with so many different types of human beings on a daily
basis. Some have traveled all of their life to remote spots. Others
are married to semi-famous celebrities and live extravagant lives.
Many musicians or Engineers have some of the greatest stories or
jokes to tell. Other times it might be the junior fair board crew
that helped execute the festival off. One of my favorite memories
of a live sound event was the camaraderie and friendship developed
during four days of a certain County fair. Working relationships
might develop or romantic ones that mature into marriage.
Someone in the audience will complain about the volume during
the show or sound check.
Oh, if I had a dollar every time someone complained about the volume
being emitted from "those black boxes down there". Usually
it happens during sound-check, when the engineer cranks up the instruments
to hear specific nuances. Maybe the people complaining have no business
being in the venue, maybe the venue booked a corporate speaking
event in the room next door or maybe the people complaining are
sitting in near the sidefill speakers or in the bleachers on axis
with the main speakers. Other times it might be the weight guesser
that happen to pick out his own space on the fairgrounds and is
complaining you are taking money from his pocket. My favorite one
comes from a country show. A woman wanted to know why artist "A"
was so loud and that she had never been that loud coming from her
Tee’vee.
Something will break or not work at inopportune moments.
If you have never experienced this, you are working on another
planet. Mic cables that were in use yesterday go bad or your favorite
console (that was used yesterday also) lighting up like a Christmas
tree for no apparent reason are a few possible panic moments here.
When the last Mic stand in your crate is needed and it will not
tighten down and is missing all the boom screws.
The power will go out.
Be ready for this one, because it will happen. It does not matter
if you have a generator with a backup generator it is still possible.
The convention center electrician forgot to tie you in on a separate
service from the lighting or forgot to put spare fuses in the electric
closet. It seems inevitable; that no matter the precautions taken
the electric gremlins will have your power for dinner. I have experienced
this at a few high-pressure events over the years and it will take
one or two of your nine lives away from anyone.
Faders go up and down.
This comment is related to those engineers that are not quite sure
if they can control the volume. Many times, they think because they
took the time to do a sound check, it means there will be no adjustments
made during the actual performance. Other time’s engineers do not
know or understand that their show can be mixed at less than 125
dB.
Someone always has a better way to do what you are doing.
I am always open to learning new and better ways of doing any project.
This applies to mixing, loading trucks, gain staging, soldering
or any other practice I do day in and day out. It is better to be
open and make your own decision based on the request. These requests
could be eye opening or cartoon like; an open mind is a better one.
The truck will break down or not start.
It’s 2 degrees and you’ve turned the key until the batteries ran
dead, now what?
You will get more swag (read: T-shirts/hats/photos) as a stagehand
than as a live sound engineer.
You setup the sound system or monitor system, make all employed
by band or company look like a million, and are passed by when the
swag is handed out.
Events and concerts become less exciting the more events under
your belt.
Your new favorite past time has become the Movie Theater, rollerblading,
mountain biking, hiking, Saturday morning NPR Radio, and reading
the paper on Sunday mornings at the coffee shop.
Mark Farmer is a live sound engineer with Live Technologies Inc.
in Columbus, Ohio and a regular contributor to PAR. He can be reached
via the internet at: mixthat@columbus.rr.com
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