Thank You Glenn for your experience. At least you got Upgraded
- I Guess.
The Venue Macarana Stadium, Rio De Janeiro. The largest public
urinal in the world. The entire place wreaked of toiletry
odors, the temp was up in the forty's and the humidity as
thick as porridge.
The local crew were working for catering as wages, and what
ever they could steal off the touring crew. One of our guys
had a lie down on a flight case, and made the mistake of taking
off his shoes and placing them beside him. Of course when
he woke up they were gone! The funniest thing was that, the
guy had the cheek to wear them for the load out that night.
We thought any one that stupid and desperate actually deserved
to keep them.
We had a record breaking crowd that night for the stadium,
and they were going off big time. Out the back near the video
chaps were the monitors for the roving crowd cameras. On close
zoom shots we could clearly see what 50% of the crowd was
up to. SHAGGING! they were rutting like rabbits! They didn't
give a damn who saw anything, bent over the seats, laid back
over two seats, sitting face to face, you name it they were
Of course THAT HAD to be put up on the enourmous screens
either side of the PA wings! That show was the last of the
tour segment, and the next day everyone flew home, except
for anyone who had to travel to NZ. Two of us had to stay
for another two days in Rio at this fabulous hotel on the
beach. We Knew some locals there by this time and had purchased
rather a silly amount of Brazilian marching powder, and so
had all the other crew. So as they had to go and catch their
planes we got phone calls saying you can have mine, I can't
do it all before my flight! Oh well, we had to help out our
mates didn't we?
We over indulged seriously for two days with some local girls
on this stockpile and still had to give some away to them
when it was time to catch our plane. I stepped up to the airline
counter to present my ticket, jaw locked together, and feeling
a bit nervous. As I placed my ticket on the desk, a large
white rock fell from my nose, bounced off the ticket, rolled
across the counter and ended up resting right beside the attendants
She just gave me a smile, brushed the rock away and proceeded
to upgrade me to business class. Now, Business class on aerolineas
argentineous is about like cattle class on Air Espanol'a Flying
Donkey Crates. The trolley dolleys were all in their fifties
and looked like old whores but with no people skills. After
getting to Buenos Aires, and having a twelve hour lay over,
suffering badly from withdrawals, I contracted a heinous south
american flu, This kicked in as we were nearing the south
pole. We were due to make a stop over on some barren ice cap.
As I was still wearing my shorts and singlet that I departed
Rio with, and feeling awful, I was not too keen on getting
off the plane at the fucking south pole, sitting in a corrugated
iron shed with no heating for four hours. So, I hid under
the seat in business class. I got sprung, and ejected from
the aircraft, and did indeed have to sit in a tin shed in
my shorts and kinglet in the middle of the south pole for
After 36 hrs of travel, I finally arrived in Auckland. I
must admit I did look like shit, but that wasn't the reason.
I was hauled into the little rubber glove room. It turned
out the other kiwi I was traveling with had previous drug
convictions. So after a thorough inspection of all the necessary
cavities I was finally let through the gates. A glamorous
job, but someone's gotta do it!
Regards Glenn Border.