Show biz uses common words in a weird way and uncommon, and perhaps made-up words in even weirder ways. It’s not just that show-biz has it’s own terminology, because most professions do, but it’s that each little subculture of show-biz has it’s own word for the same thing. The difference between a "load-out" and a "strike" and a "clear" is all in who you’re talking to, and where the truck is parked.
This collection of definitions presents, in no particular order, the more amusing terms used throughout our obscure and marginal industry. As I concoct these little bunches of words to describe other words, I assume that you, gentle reader (or swarthy, fly-ridden truck loader or whatever point you are along that scale) are already familiar with the basics of theater terminology. This is, after all, a trade journal. Yet this is not intended as any sort of reference quality theatrical glossary. I will not be defining borders and legs and amps, fresnels and stage-braces and velour and the like, unless I have something amusing to add to the hundreds of definitions already in print regarding those terms.
I am interested in the differing definitions of those terms amongst ourselves. Various realms and regions use different words for the same thing and this amuses me. I’m a technical writer, after all, though I still push boxes because the publishing industry makes show-biz seem stable by comparison.
So, before we dive in, if your little corner of show-biz uses a new or obscure term that you’d like to share, send them to me, and I’ll include them in the next relevant edition. A word of caution, I get those same e-mail jokes that you get, so send me something else.

I am not a techie, but I used to be. Then I grew up and became a technician. If you do not notice the difference, trying referring to an IA crew as "the techies" within their earshot. Words and titles and labels define how people regard each other, and - more to our immediate interest, how they get paid. So I’m going to clear up this "techie" term (which does not appear in my 50 lb. Oxford Unabridged, nor in Word’s spellcheck - always a warning sign).
The other terms I list here are fairly common, but widely misused. Hopefully, we can clarify what these people actually do (as opposed to what they claim on their resume…). We’ll start at the bottom of the food chain, and work up.

Techie noun [diminution of technician - see below] A stagehand who works for the joy of his craft; an amateur. Most techies are students. Most proudly refer to themselves as techies. Most believe they are doing the same things as pro stagehands, and most have no idea how wrong they are about that. They usually mean well (another warning sign).

Technician noun [from the Greek technikos, an artifice] A stagehand (see below) who actually spends most of his day dealing with the detailed aspects of a machine or device (as opposed to merely humping it up the service stairs and then going back to the truck for something else). The guy who fixes the moving light is a technician. The guy who hangs it on the yellow tape marks on the downstage truss is a stagehand.

Stagehand noun You. Seriously, I don’t care what it says on your card. Just like all marines are riflemen, all theatrical technicians of any sort are stagehands. Stagehands are the infantry of show business, and upon their shoulders falls all the heavy lifting. There is no shame in this. The scenery must move, and it will not move by itself (unless the budget is truly ridiculous). You started as a stagehand, and if enough gear is in the way of complex device you must delicately adjust, you will move it, just like you used to do all day. (This doesn’t mean you’re going to move it while a dozen newbie box-pushers watch you).
The true dividing line between stagehand and technician is the relevance of the phrase "lift with your legs".

Talent noun [Latin talentium, a type of coin] Performers. I have actually heard stagehands snivel about that term, claiming it implied we have no talent. Well, we don’t. We have skills, arguably useful skills worth a specific sum of money. That’s why we have to pick up the lunch tab for the talent all the time.

Poser noun [Latin poseus, completely useless] Non working personnel who are backstage for some stupid reason and in my way right now.

Roadie noun [Greek rodiki, one who does not sleep]. If stagehands are infantry, roadies are special forces. Back when I crew-chiefed, I warned the newest thusly: "These guys sleep very little and eat a lot of bad food. They’ve forgotten more about this show than you will ever know - so don’t argue with them. They’re going to yell at you. Don’t take that personally. Your feelings don’t matter to them; only getting the show up matters. Help them do that, and everything will be just fine. … And if they’re still assholes, just remember that they’ll be doing this again somewhere else early tomorrow while you’re sleeping in…"

Rentie noun The guy from the local rental house who tries to act like a roadie.

Steward noun [Anglo-Saxon styward, the keeper of the pig sty. No, really, that’s where it comes from.] The designated adult in charge of the crew. The thin wall that separates management from labor and who is unappreciated by both parties.

Technical Director noun There are several versions of this job: 1) The guy who actually directs all technical aspects of the show. This is rare, but it does occur, mostly on corporates. 2) The House God - the building employee who has the keys to everything and can answer questions about arbor capacities and mic positions. Identified by their distinctive cry, "You can’t block that doorway!" 3) The Glorified Shop Steward - often found in community theater, this guy is really the head carpenter, but is called the technical director because in commy theater scenery chews up the majority of the budget. Other departments may theoretically report to him, but usually work independent of (or in spite of) the TD. 4) The Micromanaging Production Manager - "Tell you what, why don’t you let me cable this electric, and you go back to your office and get my time-sheet straight for once…" That’s what I should have said. In the end, I re-cabled the electric after he went to a meeting somewhere.

Show Lead noun [Audio Visual] The AV guy in charge of getting the show/meeting/event in question done. Theoretically reports to a Type 2 TD, but more frequently tolerates a Type 4 TD.

Production Manager noun The constant source of ridiculous demands. Well, really, what else is a large production but a parade of ridiculous demands? Name another segment of the economy where 16 semi trailers of gear are assembled, run for two or three hours and then disassembled, all to be duplicated the next day in some other city. OK, maybe the military.

Event Coordinator noun I’m pretty sure these guys do more than fetch towels and tables for the PM, but damned if I know what that might be.

Stage Manager noun [theater] The person who calls the cues. Sometimes, this person has been intimately involved with the production from it’s first rehearsal and has a master plan for every aspect of the show. Many times, they are not nearly so prepared. Sometimes, they have never seen the show before either.
In straight theater the Stage Manager is there to enable the director and is really more from the artistic side than the technical side. In other realms, it’s whoever puts on a headset and seems to be in charge.

Director noun [Latin dirigere, to direct] When we don’t add a qualifier to this term, it means the person who tells the talent what to do. This person will also frequently share their opinions with the technical staff, creating situations which lend themselves to sarcasm. Never let them touch the gear. Never let them on headset.

Promoter noun [Latin promotus, to move forward] A friend who would know described it like this: "You have to be willing to take your best friend’s life savings, set it on fire, and then wake up the next morning wanting to do that again."

Producer noun [Latin producere, to produce] The one who takes all the credit for success and delegates blame for failure amongst the staff. More importantly the one ultimately responsible for getting this silly-ass thing on stage where people can see it. Most importantly, the one who writes the checks (and who would replace us all with techies in a heartbeat if he thought he could get away with it).

There. Don’t you feel smarter? Remember, the more obscure and berserk terms you folks submit, the more fun this column will be for all of us. And since I don’t get paid for this particular project, it’s all about fun.
Guess that makes me a techie after all. Well, just don’t say it where I can hear you.

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